Dudes, chivalry is sometimes a little creepy.

This morning was the second time I've left for work to find my car looking like the ice/frost had been scraped off. It had to have been done early enough for a bit of frost to reform because both times I had to scrape a little and run the defrost.

I live in an apartment building, so my car is parked in the parking lot directly in front of the building. Both times my car has been the only one that looked like it had been scraped.

My reaction to this has been kind of interesting, especially after reading a recent thread at Shakesville about restrictions we as women have on our lives to "keep safe"(which I meant to link but can't seem to find) [Update: FOUND IT!]. I'm mostly confused. I keep to myself and have only ever introduced myself to one neighbor, who lives across the hall. I don't chat, i don't socialize, it's not the type of place where I can go next door and ask to borrow some eggs. So I have no clue who might do this for me, and know what car I drive.

Odds are this is just a nice gesture, but I still find it a bit creepy. And I'm sad that I react that way to what may simply be a kind act of a neighbor.

And I'm angry. I'm angry that as a woman I can't trust a kind, anonymous action. I'm angry that I'm made to feel this way even more than a situation might warrant because I am constantly made to feel like I am responsible for watching for every possible danger. I'm angry that people are so oblivious to this that someone can scrape ice off my car and expect that I'll see it as a nice thing. I'm also a little angry that someone would TOUCH MY CAR without my permission.

Easy Breezy Healthcare

I have been feeling very lucky lately as I've been getting treatment for issues that led to a diagnosis of ADD. I don't say this to brag, but to raise the issue of health care and why having easy access to health care shouldn't just be a perk.


I started my current job last October after an internship in the same company but with different attorneys in different areas. Sometime around last June, the pressure to learn, to impress, all of that started lessening and as it did I struggled with my ability to focus. I had previously spent four years in a job that was extremely deadline oriented, and the work I'm doing now is very different. There is no set deadline. Once in a while I get a question that needs a quick answer, but often the instruction from my attorney would be to spend as much time as I needed on research because that's what I do best, and that's what he wants.

It's very hard for me to manage time, to focus on a task, and to work for 8 hours, especially in the office environment. So as time went on, I spent more and more time reading blogs, talking to people. Soon I was getting too far behind on work, constantly anxious about going in to work in the morning and having the morning sit-down with my attorney to go over what was going on. I was starting to fall back into serious depression and anxiety.

I've never gotten help for my depression and other problems before. But I decided I really needed to look at my options, because this kind of performance at work would get me in trouble eventually. It turned out under our mental health benefits I would get 8 free sessions with a therapist in the network, and I had to call an 800 number to get assistance.

I finally called one day, and it was so very easy. The people on the phone were very kind, very helpful, and they even called to set up an appointment with the therapist while I was on the line. Easy as that. I was so relieved that I was already able to focus on work a little more.

I recently needed to make a doctor's appointment to get some medication, on the recommendation of my therapist. I of course had to find out who was in my network, and my therapist recommended a doctor in particular, or any in her practice as an alternative. So I called and... none are taking new patients! ugh. My list of in-network doctors is not terribly long despite having really great insurance.

I have such anxiety over going to the doctor, and I am so often frozen at the prospect of doing things that require a series of possibly aggrivating and confusing steps that I have avoided seeing a doctor for a very long time. That is why my therapist recommended a particular doctor she knew to be very good and very caring, and why I was extremely anxious over finding a doctor I knew nothing about. I talked to my therapist and she called the doctor and asked if she would see me at her recommendation. She agreed to see me for the ADD.

This is how easy it should always be. Instead of stress over finding someone to take a new patient, instead of having to face a list of names of therapists and psychaistrists and just picking one, I benefitted from a system that made the process as easy as possible. I could get on with my work and my life without more stress than I was already dealing with.

I wonder how much productivity and working hours are lost when people are stressed about health care. Personally I believe that health care is a right, but for those who care more about the bottom line, how is this system any more beneficial to business than it is to the individual?

The only really frustrating aspect of my health insurance is the prescription drug plan. To push the mail order option for getting prescriptions. There is a different yearly maximum spending if mail order is used, and many prescritions are much cheaper even before my deductable is met.

Mail order does not work for a new prescription that is needed quickly. It does not work for finding the right medication for a mental health issue. I can't order 90 days of a medication and wait 8-10 days to get it when it is quite possible that in 2 or 3 weeks the doctor will adjust the dosage because it is largely a guessing game.

I've always been in favor of universal health care under a system that makes it as easy as possible for individuals. But lately the need for it has come home to me in a much more personal way.

Which I hope doesn't make me sound like the asshole I heard on the radio who was against "socialized" health care until his wife had a stroke and couldn't work and he suddenly realized people often need good health care the most when they are least able to earn it by getting lucky enough to have the right employer.

Bones and the Eccentric Genius

Several people recommended the show Bones to me in the thread about eccentric geniuses. I watched all of the episodes in the current season and about the first 7 of Season 1. (No, I don't sit and watch that many hours of tv, honest. I have it on while I'm cleaning and doing craft projects and chatting online. Love the ADD, really!)

I apologize in advance for the rambly nature of this post.

HERE THERE BE SPOILERS!

I watched the Season 4 shows online first and had mixed feelings. I wasn't sure how Brennan herself fit into the eccentric genius character. She just didn't seem to have a big enough role to be compared to someone like Detective Goran or Dr. House. Her genius didn't stand out as the deciding factor. She is surrounded by strange people. Ms Feasance comment in the previous thread cleared up some of the confusion. Unfortunately, it seems this is not a good season to get into the show.

I purchased Season 1 and the difference was almost startling. Brennan was assertive and brilliant. Her genius was the centerpiece of the show. I hesitate to call her eccentric because apparently there's the suggestion that Brennan has Asperger's syndrome. But she clearly fits in the mold of the genius who is too smart and too different to interact with others as they are expected to. I note, however, that even here they initially cast a male character with similar characteristics, and S4 has started with a new male eccentric genius in each episode to replace Zack. (ETA: I forgot one of these guest characters was a woman. The less I think or say about her the better. But the others have been men.) They also have the psychologist who is similar in his eccentric genius status. So in the one show where we have a good example of a female misunderstood/eccentric genius they've also cast a male or two in a similar, if less prominant role.

There's also another key difference between Brennan and her male counterparts: she has only borrowed authority. All of the male genius characters I know of have equal standing with or are in positions of authority over those they work with. Detective Goren and his partner, Detective Eames seem to have equal standing but he often takes the lead. The same in Life with Crews and Reese. House is, of course, in charge of his team.

Brennan has authority in the lab but has none when it comes to the FBI investigation into the crimes. Her intense involvement has come only from her demands that she be involved, and her authority is essentially borrowed, granted to her by Booth and the FBI. In Season 4 she didn't even exercize much authority in the lab. I don't know at what point Dr Saroyan joined the show, but she is apparently the one who delegates responsibility and oversees the lab. It will be interesting to see how this develops as I watch more of the show.

There's another pattern that deserves another post, which is the development of the independent, professional, assertive female character (I hate hate hate the phrase "strong women characters" and wish it would die a thousand deaths) through the life of a show. The longer a show goes on, the more likely the female character's development will be centered around romance/marriage/babies to the detriment of other interesting character development.

Astraea's forray into DIY (sort of)

I bought this cute cork board/cubby thingy at Goodwill a while back to hang in my craft room. I'm going to paint it, and replace the cork.



All was going well until I tested the wire on the back and one end fell right off the hook.





I could use some advice on how to hang this. Where would I get a replacement for the wire thing that was used previously. Is there a better way to hang it that would be very easy to do without major tools? It's not light. I think it is real wood, because it's probably at least a few pounds. (I'm very bad at guessing weight.)

Help please?

Can something we don't know exists be a person?

I haven't kept up with some news well enough and an amendment up for vote in Colorado had slipped through the cracks.

As wne of the most extreme anti-abortion amendments, it would define a fertilized egg as a person with civil rights. This is even before it has implanted. What's frightening is the 30% of voters who support it and the 22% who are undecided. Thankfully, supporters have not raised a lot of money. But that a poll would find 53% of people either support or might support such an extreme view sends a chill down my spine. That so many would support the government granting rights to something that most potentially-pregnant women will probably not even be aware exists defies logic, biology and common sense.

The Amendment would change the definition of a person in the Colorado constitution to include "any human being from the moment of fertilization."

Ms Magazine and the Feminist Daily News both point out that this puts not only abortion rights in jeopardy, but also birth control and in vitro fertilization.

This opens the door to restricting many women's rights and freedom on the basis that a fertilized egg might exist at any time. I'm sure I don't have to tell anyone reading this that a woman is not even pregnant before the egg has implanted. Yet this amendment, taken to logical conclusions, could allow for women to be charged with a crime for doing anything to prevent that egg from implanting, or doing anything that could cause damage to the embryo.

Quote of the Day

"Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large"

Stephen Green of a UK group Christian Voice speaking about atheist ads on busses in England

The eccentric genius is always a man

I was desperately searching for something entertaining to watch the other day and decided to check out The Mentalist. I didn't have high hopes for the show, but I only wanted something I could put on and half ignore while I did other things.

I turned it off after about 10 minutes.

There are a lot of things irritating and trite about the show, but what really was the last straw is that it is yet one more show about a quirky, misunderstood genius. And, oh yes, that genius is a man.

I don't have a problem with the formula of the strange genius whose unique method and insight saves the day. In fact, in many ways it appeals to me. I love strange characters, misfits. When they are played by good actors and supported with good writing and plot it works really well. Part of the problem is the overuse and abuse, the unoriginality of these formulaic shows, and utter crap writing and casting. But that happens every time a tv show is wildly successful: the cheap knock-offs show up to cash in on a "trend."

The more significant problem is that the genius is almost always a man: Dr. House, Detective Goren, Charlie Crews, Gil Grissom, and others I'm sure I've missed. The Mentalist simply adds one more man to the list.

Shows that star women who are brilliant at what they do rarely portray them as the eccentric genius in a similar way. For example, compare the men above with Allison Dubois of Medium. Allison is easy to relate to, portrayed as "everywoman" who just happens to have a strange ability. Her talent and success aren't the result of genius, but of supernatural talent and stubbornness.

I don't know any other shows that are still running that feature a woman in a role similar to the shows above. I'm sure there must be others that I don't watch. But even going back to older shows, I can't think of any I've ever watched with a woman as the eccentric genius on par with the male characters.

Another example, The Profiler, did feature a woman who was far superior to her peers in what she did. Samantha Waters could easily fill the role of "genius." But she was also normal, easy to relate to. The closest character I can think of is Jordan Cavanaugh of Crossing Jordan. Her impact, however, is dulled by the cast made up almost entirely of eccentrics, whereas the men are surrounded by smart but ordinary folks who have to deal with his strange brand of smarts. Women in those shows are sensible foils, or loyal supporters of the male genius.


Of course, the idea that women can't be geniuses has a very long history. Women have largely been relegated to the status of muse or devoted supporter, and that is reflected in these shows.

Many of the male characters are based on Sherlock Holmes and some might argue that at least the Watson character is now usually a woman. They might argue that a woman in the supporting role is not sexist because the shows are simply mirroring the Holmes/Watson setup. But if that were true, it would be just as easy to cast a woman in the Holmes role. No, it is all too easy to slip a woman into the role of supporter, because that's what women are supposed to be for.

In which I whine and make things all about me

Does anyone else use iGoogle? I am currently bristling with irritation at the changes they've recently made.

I'm not good at keeping up with a lot of websites, blogs, news, links to follow, etc. I am so bad at being an Internet geek I didn't know what de.lic.ious was for until very recently. I've been trying to use iGoogle to see all the current posts at most of the feminist blogs I read regularly. Again I'm so behind, this has been my first use of rss feeds.

I've had a bad couple weeks since my vacation. I feel out of sorts, in disarray, unable to focus on anything. One metaphor for ADD has been especially appropriate this week: It's like trying to drive a car in a heavy rainstorm with bad windshield wipers. Nothing is clear, and it is an exhausting effort just to avoid crashing.

And now iGoogle is changing and I hate it. I can't seem to figure out how to go to what used to be a tab, showing everything in that section. Sometimes it works, sometimes I have to click on just one thing. When I do get a window with everything showing, they are not as well-defined and separate as they were before. It is now a blur of information that is difficult for this ADD person to deal with.

watch this space for further signs of the apocolypse

The Bush administration doing something helpful? How is this possible? But it appears to be true. Congress recently passed amendments to the ADA and Bush has signed the measure into law.

The situation is similar to the Ledbetter fair pay issue. The SCOTUS made a ruling in 2002 interpreting Congress's intent as to who qualifies for protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act. Many found the interpretation too restrictive, and Congress's new amendments clarify who qualifies as disabled under the ADA. This is an excellent move, IMO.

The bill will overturn Supreme Court decisions that have reduced protections for certain people with disabilities – including people with diabetes, epilepsy, heart disease, mental disabilities, and cancer – who were originally intended to be covered by the ADA. The ADA prohibits discrimination against Americans with physical and mental disabilities in such areas as employment, public accommodations, and transportation.

The Supreme Court had interpreted the ADA so narrowly that many people Congress meant to include were not covered. It's a huge victory to have these amendments passed! Let's just hope that there are also improved results for people with disabilities.

NANOWRIMO and variations

Still feeling so out of sorts and unfocused, so I apologize for more personal posts.

Does anyone do NANOWRIMO? Most of the friends I chat with do participate, since they are mostly writer-types I met through yaoi fandom. I've always admired their dedication. I attempted one year and did all right until I was derailed by a business trip and never got back in the groove.

I considered participating this year, but fiction writing just isn't in my top three priorities right now. Since many of my online friends will be busy writing, however, I am thinking about setting my own big goal for November and dedicating a huge chunk of time to it. I'll use the rest of October to prepare, which will mostly involve getting my apartment as clean and organized as possible so I only have to maintain it and setting goals.

I have a couple possibilities in mind. One would be a feminist/progressive writing version of NANO. Another would be a quilting/craft challenge. I have a lot of projects started and planned and it would be great to dedicate a lot of time to trying to complete them.

Does anyone else have big plans for NANO or variations thereof?

Recovering from vacation

I apologize for my longer than anticipated absence. I took a long vacation and it has taken me a while to recover!

A friend from England visited me for two weeks and in the middle of the two weeks we flew out to Yaoicon in San Francisco for five days. This of course completely disrupted any structure I'd managed to establish for myself. The vacation itself was wonderful. I had such a great time with a core group of friends I met online about 7 years ago through fan fiction. I love that they are all writer types and a wide range of ages, so we don't suffer from too many crazy immature fangirl antics.

I found that when I was active, social, and involved I didn't have as many problems with food or more than the occasional grumpiness in the large crowds. I rarely had problems except when there were a lot of loud conversations going on in a small crowded space, which happened a few times in the panels and when we were all just hanging out. But overall it was a much better experience than the last time I went to the group ycon meetup (our first) three years ago.

Returning to real life, however, has been a challenge. My apartment was a mess, of course, and that tends to set me off-balance. It's not that clutter bothers me, it's jus that I feel like I need to clean and organize it before I can do anything else. In some cases, that's true. ANd I was just too tired last week to clean. So I've been out of sorts and trying to get back to normal. Which also means I've had trouble getting back into regular reading and commenting at Shakesville or even thinking about blogging.

ADD is also much more on my mind lately and I've had trouble focusing on politics and feminism enough to write interesting posts. I've wasted hours on organization and productivity sites... getting nothing organized or done.

In short, I'm floundering a bit, but I'm back and I will hopefully be blogging more soon.